“More!”
It was March 17, 2011. I was standing in my parents’ two- bedroom assisted living apartment. The hospice people had just left after speaking with Dad. In the room with me were Mom, Barb, my sister Rita, and my daughter Mindy, who happened to be home from university for spring break.
Dad knew what hospice meant. Shortly after they left, he slipped into unconsciousness. We called them back, and they confirmed the dying process was underway and it wouldn’t be long.
I had come to understand that people in a comatose state can still hear and comprehend. Each of us took a turn talking to Dad and I could see on his face that he heard us. After everyone said something, I came up with an idea to allow others to do the same.
I called my Aunt Gloria, brother Les, sister Kathy, and daughter Kelli. They were all living in various places around the country at the time.
I put the phone on speaker mode and up to Dad’s ear. Each person spoke their goodbyes and, again, I felt that Dad heard every word—even though he couldn’t verbally respond.
After we finished, a huge pall fell over the air. As luck would have it a young staffer named Sarah came in with chocolate chip mint ice cream and asked if we would like some. I told her that was exactly what we needed.
As I was enjoying my ice cream, a scoop fell on the floor right below my foot without me knowing it.
Suddenly, all the women in the room literally screamed at me in unison, “STOP!”
It was as if I was a helicopter in a no-fly zone over the White House! “What???” I exclaimed.
I was informed of the ice cream under my foot and the dire implications if I stepped on it.
Really?
We all broke out in much-needed laughter.
Barb was seated next to Dad holding his hand, keeping him part of the group. She said to him, ”Your son. He almost stepped on ice cream!”
Dad sat bolt upright in his recliner, stared straight at Barb and exclaimed, “Did someone say ice cream?”
We were stunned. I said, “Yeah, Dad. We’re all eating ice cream. Do you want some?”
He turned to me with a wild-eyed look and exclaimed, “Certainly!”
We all watched as Dad devoured the ice cream Barb fed him. Sarah stuck around to watch, as she was fond of Dad. As Barb shoveled his favorite food into his mouth, she asked him a question that would normally be reserved for a 3- year-old. “Dad, wasn’t that nice of Sarah to bring you ice cream? What do you say to her?”
Dad turned to Sarah with the same mad look in his eyes, gulped the ice cream and blurted out with earnestness …
“MORE!”
His last words could not be more fitting.
More.
Dad wanted more ice cream, and we wanted more time with him.
Shouldn’t we be asking for MORE right now? Finding ways to create MORE right now? Being MORE fearless, MORE forgiving, MORE present?
I surmise that at the end of our lives, we will still desire MORE— no matter what we’ve accomplished. However, it’s a reminder that we are here now and, with good fortune, we still have a whole lot MORE time now.
So, let’s do something with it.
As I write this column, I’m preparing to go on my annual buddies’ golf trip with my high school friends of now over 40 years. This annual trip we call Jumanji started in 1996 when we are all about 31 years old. This will be the 31st edition. Crazy.
When we started, the thought of “more” wasn’t really considered. It was all about golf. Today, while we still love the golf, it’s really the vehicle that brings us together. It’s our time to celebrate over four decades of friendship.
While that period of celebration will end with everyone dispersing back home, our “normal” life relationship celebrations can be continuous if only we allow them to be.
To experience “MORE,” we need to invest in being present. That means more than being physically there. It’s become a discipline that I must practice and be intentional of daily.
We all get busy, and our brains are so complex that we can have a gazillion thoughts processing all at the same time. When I recognize that in myself, I stop what I’m doing and focus on my breathing to slow my heart and brain rate. I then whisper to myself, “One thing at a time.”
That might mean re-focusing on the grandchildren when we’re together. It might simply mean being present with my wife Barb as we are watching a movie and eating popcorn together at home.
Being present is a skill. It demands practice and discipline. It also requires patience because we all will fail at times. Yet if you master this, you will get MORE.
When we can focus on keeping our head in the game, simplifying life, putting ourselves in good positions for success, and staying present, we ultimately will achieve so much MORE in life than we imagined.
